Wednesday, July 9, 2014

3 thoughts: 2 short, 1 long

** I felt really bad several years ago when I heard that Billy Mays had died- I had, after all, muted him once.

** "This Old Guitar" is a John Denver tune penned to express his gratitude for having something to help get him through lonely or tough times. I have felt the same way about my guitar and piano. Many a day or night, I have sat at either the piano, or outside with my guitar. Music is a good friend and has/does help me when I feel lonely.

** I was just thinking about something else, one of the pop festivals in England. These were festivals, usually at the ward level, where members sang, played musical instruments, and/or danced. For this particular festival, I had a couple of friends, a married couple, who wanted to sing. They asked if I would accompany them on the guitar. I said I would. Our first song was the old Kansas classic, "Dust in the Wind". It went well. Our second song was John Denver's enigmatic "I'm Sorry".

I have written before on several of my blogs about one of my friends in England, Rebecca. She was a beautiful woman, so gifted and talented, musically and otherwise. Her husband was our Bishop. Emotionally, Rebecca and I were very close. I loved her, knew from the moment I met her that she would have a huge impact upon my life, but I have never wanted a physical relationship with her. She with me? That is debatable.

She and I were going through a really tough time. I did not even want to be there that night at the pop festival performing because I knew she would be in the audience. But, I did what I said I would do, accompany on my guitar.

The whole time we were performing "I'm Sorry", it felt like it had been written just for Rebecca and me. I know- sounds so corny. But, that is how it felt. And, I knew Rebecca felt the same thing. I could just feel it.

I could not even look into the audience because I knew if I saw her, and she saw me, well, I would not have been able to continue the performance. I was an emotional wreck playing for that song- I just stared at either the music or the floor the whole time I played and was greatly relieved when it was over. I could not even stay for any more of the festival- I just stood up, took my guitar, and bolted. I was 3/4 of the way down the hall, almost to the door, when I heard Rebecca calling my name. I wanted so much to just ignore her and leave but I did not.

I stopped to see what she wanted, half turned to face her. She told me how beautiful the songs were and what a terrific job I had done. I knew the song had gotten to her, too, that she was feeling the same thing I was feeling, about us trying to figure out how to reconcile our friendship. She was emotional as she talked with me. All I could say to her was "thanks", and then I left.

I was kind of a mess the whole drive home and well into the next several days. About Rebecca: that woman broke my heart. No. She did not just break my heart. She pretty well shattered it. I am still recovering from that. I swore, after her, that I would never have a friend again. (We all know how long that lasted- sheesh.) To this day, S-1 even hates the mention of Rebecca's name because she knows what Rebecca did to me. The crazy thing is I still love Rebecca. I do not know if I could ever be her friend again but I do love her. And, I even miss her.